Everyone has a Story....This is Mine. (PART 1)

So. I've had a Rollercoaster ride of a life. Seen and Experienced alot of horrible things, And i've decided im going to Share it with All Of you. Because im Not ashamed to admit where i came from, what i've been through. Because it Made me Exactly who i am Now. And if someone Happens to Read this, Who is going through any of these things, I hope they can learn from it, And They can get through it too. This is Me, This is My Life, This isnt just some Made up Story. Just Some things i need to Let out and get off My Chest. Judge Me. I dont Care...Because At the End of the day...The only People who's Opinion of Me i care about...Is Gods, And My Own.

*sigh* Where do i Start??? At The Beginning I Guess. LOL. For about the First Decade of my Life, Things were actually Pretty Good. My Parents Were together. Granted it was off and on, But They Stayed together Until the End of My Fifth Grade Year. I'll Never Forget the Day My mom Sat me Down and Told Me She was Leaving My dad. I didnt exactly understand why. But She Reassured me everything was gonna be Ok. Things were Going to Be Better, But I think Thats When The Depression Started. I moved to a New school, and i was so terrified. I was Horrible at Making New Friends, and was extremely SHY. After we Moved out, I never saw my mom. She was always working, or With Her New Boyfriend. I suddenly started Feeling Really ALONE. My Older Sister and Me always fought, so i didnt have her to turn to, and alot of times i got stuck watching over my baby sister. My mom also started Trash talking My dad to my face-Daily. So Much, that i eventually started to Believe everything she said. He was Horrible, he was an Asshole, worthless, I even used to tell everyone how much i Hated him. Come to Find out Years Later, The whole Reason My mom moved out, Was Because She Cheated on him with her "new boyfriend". My Dad Loved My Mother With Every inch of His Heart, Sometimes I believe he still does. But she Threw him to The Side For a Man who beat the shit out of her All the time. I will Never Forget Him. Even as a child, Everything about him gave me the Creeps. I Never Once could even look him in the eyes. He was Terrifying. I Remember Crying myself to sleep Most Nights. Just Wishing things were the way they Used to Be. Wishing this Man would stop hurting My Mom. I Didn't know what to do, so i just started writing. I felt SO alone, and my mom was so wrapped up in her relationship, It was Like She forgot she even Had kids. She had even allowed my 15 year old sister to move out, and go live with her Druggie Older Boyfriend. I dont Know what parent does something like that. It was like she just didnt care anymore. I Remember in 6th Grade. We Made This "About Me" Book, with all these questions about our likes and dislikes, favorite things, etc. One of the Questions asked us what was our Biggest Fear. With no hesitation i wrote "Dying Alone, and Unloved". Well, Apparently That raised a red flag for my Teacher. Because Next thing you Know i was in the Guidence Counselors Room, getting all These Test Done for Depression. Next thing You Know, They got me seeing a Shrink. Mindy, I had a few sessions with her. But I Never said a word to her. I didnt know why i was there, I thought it was something all the Kids had to do. After 3 to 5 Sessions. I stopped going, because my mom said she just couldnt afford it. Now I didnt Find out Until Years later, While having a conversation with My Oldest Sister, Why they Really Made Me Go. My Mother Had Found My Journal. I had wrote things about Wanting to Kill Myself. Talking about exactly how i would do it. "Just take a bunch of Medicine, and Just Fall Asleep." Looking Back on That. I thought about How sad that is, as a 6th grader, that i felt that way.