Everyone has a Story....This is Mine. (PART 4)

So I managed to Finally Get rid of Psycho Boy, But i Was still Struggling with My Depression. I always felt like that was it, i had no way out. It just seemed like it was One Bad thing After another. When would it Ever End?

I remember When i was in High school, This 8th Grade Girl from my small town committed suicide, Her younger Brother came home to find her hanging in her closet, And although i never met her, it still affects me to this day. I remember Crying for weeks. I felt her pain. I knew exactly how she felt. I felt like, if i had only known her, Been her friend, talked to her, Been there for her, I could have helped her through whatever she was going through. While everyone else around me laughed and made jokes about her...i cried, Because I felt her Pain.

On My 18th Birthday, My mom got into a fight with her girlfriend, and she kicked us out. So we grabbed some things and Left for my grandmas house. Now although this happened atleast once a month, My mom said this was it, she had enough. She told me she wasnt going back to her. She made things sound so Promising, we would get an apartment together, and even though financially it was going to be tough, It would be a fresh new start. I remember feeling happy for the first time in So long. I was beaming. I felt like, Life was about to get Better. I held my mom and we both cried, and i told her things were gonna be just fine. We could do it. The Very Next day i came downstairs and she had bags of her stuff together, She told me she had talked things out with her Girlfriend. She was Moving Back in with her, and She thought it would be best if i didnt come home with her. I was Heartbroken. I had Never Felt so hurt, So un-wanted, so un-loved. What did she mean she didnt want me moving back in with her? I cried Myself to Sleep For Days. All i ever wanted was To have My mom even act like she cared. Instead she always just tossed me to the side like Nothing.

After That i pushed myself so hard, I worked and Slept,Worked and slept, nothing else. I wanted so badly to Prove to Everyone that i didnt need them. I could Do whatever i wanted, all by myself. I Moved into My Own Place. It felt good. I was Independent. I fought to Battle my depression. I Didnt want it to get the best of Me, I was still cutting, but i was trying to find other ways to control my emotions. I felt Pathetic when i was cutting, Like i was weak.

I wasnt really Raised in The Church or with any Sort Of Religious Beliefs, Not that my Parents didnt Believe in god, because they both do, But we never really went to Church. It was sort of Like, "Hey, There is this God, and your supposed to believe in him" I really wasn't educated When it came to Religion. I remember being confused growing up, Wondering Why i was going through All these horrible things. Im only a Child, how is this Fair? How could He allow these things to happen? But it wasnt until a couple Years Later when Things All Made sense.