Everyone has a Story....This is Mine. (PART 3)

I remember Riding in the car with my Dad, After He first found out about my Mom was gay. Right in front of me and my 7 year old sister, He told us she was going to Hell. That always bothered me. Not even because he said it to me, but he had no reason to say that to my little sister. Nobody Wants to hear that about their mother. As Much as i felt ignored and non existent to her, I still Loved Her, I always Will.

If There was one good thing about us moving in with Her girlfriend, it was the fact that i was moving away from my oldest sister. With her not around me, i stopped drinking. Granted i had moments here and there where i was drinking with my friends, But It wasn't a lot. Without the alcohol around me, i had to find new ways to release My pain. I was Born with Talent, An artistic side, That runs deep throughout my family. I started Drawing, painting, Writing Poetry, and i found my love for Music. But Eventually My pain was just too much, that those things just didn't Help anymore.

When i was 15 I Met this guy who was really Abusive, Mentally and emotionally. He was acting really controlling and obsessive. It turned me Off. I wanted to stop talking to him, because i was getting a bad feeling about him. When i tried to leave him. He blew up my phone and left 100's of voicemails, telling me he was going to kill himself if i left him,and that it was gonna be all my fault. I was so terrified, That i stayed around. I really felt He would do it. I remember he came to see me one time. i told him i couldnt be with him anymore. He stuck a loaded gun in his mouth right in front of my face, and told me he would pull the trigger. So i just kept staying, i was scared. i didnt want him in my life. Countless times i tried to break things off, and countless times he threatend his life, Mine, and Threatend to Kill my family and burn my house down. Around this time i Had Also Been Molested, which i dont care to get into detail about, and i was still dealing with everything else on my plate. My mom was ignoring us kids even more and Her girlfriend was Mean, she told me she hated me, she told my little sister she hated her too. Because she took Away her attention from my Mother. My mom did nothing about it. I always felt like, i could have ran away and she wouldn't have noticed for days.

Between all that, i didnt know what to do. I'd become extremely Depressed, i Really didnt care to live anymore. I starting cutting myself. I hated it. I was so ashamed. and i made sure nobody found out what was going on. I didnt wanna be judged, or people to think i was doing it for attention. That wasnt the case. I couldnt get away with wearing long sleeves at work to Hide the cuts. So i was cutting My Legs, and any other places i could hide the cuts. I realized later that in all reality. This wasnt solving anything. But at that time, it was my only release. Like i was watching the pain drip out from my body.