Everyone has a Story....This is Mine. (PART 5)

In 2006 I Met My Ex Boyfriend, and if anything good came out of our relationship, it was the Fact that He Helped Me build my relationship with God, He Educated me, Helped Me Make Sense of Things, Showed Me My Way Closer To God, and I'm forever thankful for that. Eventually Things Just Made Sense, All The wondering Why i was going Through all the horrible things i was going through. Now I understood. Everyday i Feel So Blessed. I know That Everything Happens for a Reason, and I'm actually Grateful i went through Every one of the those horrible things. Because i can Honestly tell you that i don't think i would Be the Person i am today, if i hadn't. I love who i have Become, and i wouldn't change anything for the world. I have Become so Much Stronger, So much wiser, and i no longer am Bitter towards those people Who abused me. I feel at Peace within Myself. I know that things in My Life aren't perfect, and I'm still struggling at times, But I'm OK, All those Things seem So tiny compared to everything i have already made it Through.

I'm Still Struggling With My Mother, but i hope someday soon she will Realize what she's doing, My Nephew is 4 Years old and doesn't even know who she is when he does get to see her. Because she never puts in any effort. At one point she was living 15 minutes from my sister, and never once came to visit her Only grandson. He even said to my sister once "You don't have a mother do you?" -It just doesn't Make sense to me how she doesn't seem to care. My sisters are both constantly coming to me Crying about her, and how they wish she was more involved in all our lives, her Grandson's Life. We've all tried to talk to her about it, but it just doesn't register with her, and alot of times she talks about how shes messed up because she was Molested by her Uncle as a child. I feel as if that's just an excuse, I've been there to, and i could never see myself acting as she does. Its Been Years, and if that's really the case. She needs to let go of that, because life is too short. I pray she comes around before its too late.

As for My Father, He hasn't Been perfect either, he was very distant towards us kids growing up as well. I remember all the times i would be at his house on my birthday, and he would just walk around as if it was just another day, he would always forget. No Happy Birthday, No nothing. That always stuck with Me. I remember a few years ago, i was thinking, "what happened?" before my mom left him, i was such a daddies girl. After that, we hardly said a word to each other. I tried reaching out to him Later, wanting so badly to have some type of relationship with at least one of my parents, and felt rejected when he just acted like he didn't care. More Recently, He started calling me alot, coming to see me, asking me to come see him. Now we speak and see each other more frequently, building on the relationship we missed out on for so long, and i'm so happy to have him in my life right now. The way things should be.


If anything Negative Has come from all this at all. The only thing i can think of is That i tend to Push People away, when they Get too Close. I Have a Guard up, But can you Blame me? The same Person who helped me Build My relationship with God, also later on made me Feel so dis-respected, and un-appreciated. He Hurt Me so Bad and I could only Deal with it for so long until it was time for me to leave. Now i find its hard for me to give to someone else, what i tried to give to him. For Fear of Being Hurt again. It is something i am aware of, i recognize i have a problem with this, and unless i want to be single for the rest of my life, i need to let people get through. It seems like as soon as Feelings get involved, i want to push away. I'm terrified. A few Friends have told Me i come off as being "emotionless", but the truth is, I'm very Full of emotion. All my Life, through all the pain i felt, i walked around with this fake smile, i never wanted to show people what i was really feeling, I never wanted people to know i was hurting. So i laughed everything off. But i Promise Myself, I Will fix this. I'm Learning How To Give someone My heart again. I just hope they Realize...Fool me once, and I'll be damned if i give you another opportunity to fool me again. (LOL) =)

But that one thing, is nothing compared to all the positive things i have gained through all this, and I know nothing will ever bring me down to that level of depression, ever again. I thank God for All the Strength and Knowledge i have gained, and continue to Gain. I have a Level Of Self-respect and Self-Love for myself, i never had growing up. So many People don't have that, and I pray that they find it.

With All these things said, i Hope that some people reading this, who are struggling in life, who are holding onto to negative things(past or present), negative and unhealthy relationships with people, whatever it may be - Just learn to let go, move forward, Rid yourself of all negativity and Live your life to the fullest, forgive yourself, forgive others, and just have faith. Life is what you Make it.



Lastly, I just want to Thank all the Great Friends i Have in My Life,(Kyle, Melissa, Chris, Jermaine, Elisa, Amanda, & anyone else i Know im forgetting, SO SORRY!!) Some Have Been there Helping me through all my tough times since the Very Beginning, Others More Recently. Others Stuck around even though i tried to Push them away numerous times, Never giving up on me. I Love you guys, From the bottom of My Heart i Do. Also, Thank you to all who took the time out to Read this, I appreciate it! Thank you all x1000!! <3